Today, I attended a flag ceremony. It was held in a parking lot. The lot was practically empty. Our class was the only one there, watching the flag get raised in its “full honor.” I was talking about the moldy ground that we were standing on. I don’t know if someone heard me but then again, I don’t really care. It was true. The thing is… I’ve always been hostile with flag ceremonies. It’s not my favorite time of day. I guess it used to be okay back in high school; when we were caved inside a gymnasium or our school’s quadrangle. The prayer was also okay. It was like asking God to save the country from the fall but the rest is just… agonizing. What I saw was our dieing country, fooling itself with the lyrics of the national anthem. The flag was tattered and as they raised it, it slowly tangled up unto the forsaken pole that was supposed to put it on the pedestal. And you should’ve seen the surroundings; outside the ground is the street which was obviously infested with flood a few days back and there were children, ugly, malnourished faces of poverty who played behind the fence like prisoners. As I watched the flag being raised, I bit my tongue, trying to sing along the words instead of uttering words of impertinence towards the melodious lies. God, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I don’t know whether to laugh or mourn at the irony that filled the atmosphere. What made it more annoying is knowing that no matter how hard I work my ass off, it wouldn’t make much difference simply because there are more crappy people than people who give a crap. Now, tell me, where is the meaning of that song? Where is the honor in that ceremony?

Maybe… someday… it’ll regain its value. But when would that be?

Earlier today, I watched my friend while he played chess on his own. He wasn’t mentally unstable. He was simply bored. But watching him play chess with himself, being the one manipulating both the black and the white pieces, I had a thought…

What side is he on? It must be hard to choose, knowing that both are his. Somethin’ hit me. I thought that it’s harder when you are your own opponent because you do not know which side you’d choose. Both are yours, and you have to choose which of which would win.

You know your own strategies so it’s much easier to cheat yourself.

It’s like a dilemma. Both have consequences… and it’s hard to choose between two things.  You are your own opponent and whichever way you choose, there are results that would follow.

Then sometimes, when making a decision between right and wrong. We know what to do but we tend to take it all the way around, using strategies and trying to find a way out to choose what we want to choose… not what we need to choose.

One of the many things that truly suck is what people call unrequited love. It can be such a bitch. And it can hurt one real bad.  It happens to everyone. Men, women, boys, girls. Everyone. And it inflicts us all so much pain. Some people are lucky enough not to feel it. You know, it doesn’t always have to be the romantic type of unreturned love. It can be platonic, motherly love or anything. It doesn’t really matter. All that matters is the fact that the love you give is not returned. It does hurt. You’re not asking them for something in return, but you are hoping that they will love you back… even just a little. Then you realize that you are slowly turning into a loser… a loser who stands alone outside in the pouring rain… waiting for that day… the day they give you as much as a passing glance. And little by little, you die inside… because oftentimes… they don’t.

Back in the days, I have a friend. He is the subject of taunting and bullying. He cries a lot, despite the fact that he is a high school freshman already. He became my friend. He is alright as a person, a bit sensitive but he’s alright. Because of his flamboyant manner and sensitive attitude, he is called ‘gay.’ Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being gay. It’s just that when one is not gay, he shouldn’t be called that. But he is… and he cries because of it. And I am his friend. But I’m a lousy friend. I make fun of him too. I call him gay too. Although I am aware that it is wrong, I still do it anyway. Perhaps I was immature back then. I don’t really know. All I know is I’m a lousy friend. I have another guy friend who teases him. They’re friends too but he still gets bullied by that guy. And we joined forces to annoy him… even made a game that involves teasing him until he cries. Yes, I am a lousy friend. I don’t deserve to be called his friend. And then there’s my other friend. She is also a subject of bullying. My bullied guy friend bullies her… but they’re friends… they tease each other. They tease me too. But they’re teasing is nothing compared to what I’m giving them. And I feel bad because these two are really good friends to me. They never let me down… they never allow me to get hurt but I am one of those people who cause them pain. Some friend I turned out to be. They moved to another school after our sophomore year. We still keep in touch but we can’t see each other.  Then I missed them… and I still do.

I was looking out of the car window on a ride to a certain place. I saw a lot of places that are worth taking pictures of. They all seem so beautiful. At least, from afar, they are beautiful. When the vehicle got a little closer, they’re not so beautiful anymore. They’re dirty, old and They are not just not a lovely sight when we got closer. The setting sun gave a good effect on the rundown looking establishment but it’s just different when we got closer. It’s quite strange. It looked beautiful but when you really look at it, it’s not. But you know what the thing is? Even when the vehicle got closer, I can only see the far view. I don’t know what goes on inside that establishment. People live there. What do I know about the people inside that place? I know nothing. But even if I get closer and observe their lives, will I be able to see the closer picture or will I still be far? If I live the life they live will I get the clearer picture? That’s the thing. That’s what I wish to know. I wish to know more about it although I wouldn’t be able to right now. Someday, perhaps, I would be able to see the clearer picture but for now, I just have to assume that there is something more to that hideous looking establishment that will be mistaken for a rundown building if you don’t look closer.

A certain object reminds us of what we love or what we hate. It reminds us of who we used to be and what we are trying to become… maybe even what we have become. It never fails to make us cry or laugh. When we see that certain object, the memories come flooding back to us; like blood rushing to our heads. It’s not just seeing it. Hearing it, smelling it and touching it gives us the same feelings. Lovely how the mind works, don’t you think?

I have encountered someone… We don’t exactly know each other but I see her face at school. She seems nice. From what I’ve heard, she had a miscarriage. Well, maybe she’s over that incident. She seems pretty happy right now. Then, I saw one of the school’s newspaper writer’s articles. The topic is about what everyone wants for Christmas. She interviewed teachers as well and I saw that teacher’s answer… she wants to have a baby and live happily forever and ever. It made me think… she might be over it but of course, the scar still remains. It hurts to know that your child died without even seeing the world. But of course, as time passes, you get over it and move on. But once in a while, you see the scar and you remember how that felt. You remember the sorrow of losing your child. Although the lost of someone you love is something that you can get over with… It hurts to remember it. It just comes back once in a while and it makes you feel how you felt back then. At least that’s what I think.

Carelessness. This is the word that we carelessly neglect. We forget and we continue to do things in a careless manner that gets us into a sticky situation. Carelessness is something that we carelessly underestimate. We know that it is not a good thing to be careless but we disregard this fact and still continue being careless. Carelessness leads to trouble, problems and injuries. I learned that from personal experience when I ended up wearing a cast. These are all results of carelessness and none of those results can do us any good. Sometimes, carelessness can lead us to our graves. Sometimes, carelessness can cause us to dig other people’s graves. So carelessness must be avoided. I can cause serious harm to the human race.

Pride… it is one of the seven capital sins. It’s something that I can’t seem to overcome. It’s my weakness. You know what’s so evil about it? Once a person is proud, the other capital sins follow. Greed, Lust, Sloth, Gluttony, Wrath and Envy. Fortunately, the only thing that followed my pride is sloth. I am afraid that wrath may follow soon. My pride keeps my soul wide open for all the other evils to come in and take over me. I need to overcome this sin.

Perhaps, one of the most common human experience is failure. Life just isn’t complete without it. It’s an element of life. It could actually be a learning tool if we let it. We deal with it in different ways. We laugh at it, we cry because of it. Sometimes we even take our own lives because of it. But the most efficient way of dealing with failure is standing up, moving on and trying again. Once we do that, we allowed our failure to become a learning tool… not just an element of life. We try to do better. We try to do our best. Yes, failure is a necessity. Without failure, the law of imperfection would be incomplete. There would be less room for improvement. No matter how much failure burns, it’s a necessity. After all, it’s an element of life.